hot dads for all
MOVES TO JAPAN
god i clicked on the source expecting it to be a joke but it links to the actual site and they have a twitter and everything. i clicked on their about page and here’s the description:
"This is a service where you can rent a middle aged man with skill and experience who is undoubtedly good looking for just 1000 yen per hour!
You can make them go out with you, talk with you, do your errands, put them to work, or just hang out at home with you. How does it sound?”
One of them is a pro baseball player and the other one (the one pictured above) is a stylist. Reservations start at a minimum of 2 hours.
i’m going to cry i’m so tempted to actually do this.
OMFG The site even says “出張レンタルもOK♪（交通費は実費” Meaning that as long as you pay for their travel expenses, etc., they can come overseas too JFC SOMEONE STOP ME FROM—
aRE YOU SAYING I COULD IMPORT A JAPANESE MAN
what a world we live in
literally irl middle aged high school host club this is amazing omfg
I’m gonna buy
wHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE
when people are very very nice to you and make you feel good about yourself
do you ever just miss the ninth doctor and the tenth doctor and donna and rose and martha and jack and mickey and you just
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
|—||Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via kanyequeen)|
Okay I’m not even a Star Trek fan but that’s beautiful.
"Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists. The ones that do call him the ｡*:★Kawaii Soldier★:*｡. He’s an adorable ghost, you’ll never find him.”
TASHA: (to Clara) I have confidential matters to discuss with the Doctor. Would you excuse us?
DOCTOR: Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Clara. Well, quite a lot of it. Probably about half. Maybe a smidge under. Actually, Clara, would you mind waiting out here, please?
Yes. This is a thing called character development.